I returned from my appointment from the program that is helping me with my heart health (prevention of heart disease) I would like to say that I feel like such a failure. I am striving to lose weight so that all my labs and tests will go under the borderline level, but when it comes to my choices I just seem to make all bad ones.
When we were down to the beach for my husbands appointment, I saw in the hotel mirror a full length reflection of my self. I am not where I ever wanted to be in my health and body figure. When is it going to click that if I don't do it, it won't happen. I cry out to the Lord for help. I know He will help me, I just pray for strength to help myself.
Why do I not have the strength? Why do I want to give in to the foods that are good when in moderation but I seem to want or desire more than serving size? I know what to do, I know from many years of focus on my weight all the goods and bad's, the do's and don'ts, the forbidden and the permitted but something in me keeps me from making these right choices. It is going to sound funny but it feels like a wall. I run into when a I get to a certain point. I am caught in this circle that goes like this: First I want to lose weight so I get motivated and I eat and do good for a week then something happens that I lose focus and I eat and stop exercising than I get depressed and then go off the deep end further into the trenches of depression and overeating (the bad stuff) then this starts all over again.
I want to get off....I need to get off....I cry out even now, "Lord help me in my addiction to food, my addiction to coke (the soda not the drug) and in my depression. Help me to want to stop."
I still have hope.... I still have hope.....For all who read, if anyone, don't give up....who knows, let's see what tomorrow brings.
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