Staring me in the face....

There it was, staring me in the face. A two tiered cake, that smelled of sugar and looked enticing. My daughters Bat Mitzvah. We danced, we sang, we ate and then came the cake. I had to dish out piece by piece the sweet smelling sugary delight to our lovely guests, when inside I was saying to myself - I want to eat the biggest piece known to man. I could just jump right into this pool of deliciousness. I got to thinking about this afterwards, why do I do this? Why do I feel as if there isn't going to be any for me, and feel I have to have a bunch of it? Why isn't a sliver enough?

I am seeking my soul in prayer for these answers. I don't know. Maybe somewhere in my heart, I feel left out, I feel deprived.
I grew up feeling as if I was a wall flower on the side of the room of life. I was invisible to the world. Something deeper maybe or just because I am a messed up human being that only because of Yeshua (Jesus) sacrifice did my life ever have meaning. (Which by the way I am truly grateful - I am growing to love Him more everyday and myself). I am not sure but one thing I do know, is that, He has given me hope, and I am going to use it.

Many are the plans....

Many are the plans in a mans heart, but it is the Lords will that shall prevail..... I am living that now. How am I doing on my diet, losing weight, fighting the eternal battle of fitness? Well, I am not doing so well. I fell off the wagon and stayed off. I haven't been eating a lot but just back to cokes. I have no excuse. I could say that it is the stress (which I have a ton) I could say that its purely financial (which it is part) but I can't. I am making the choices. I don't know why other than I enjoy the sodas. I find denial to be a comfortable place. If I just ignore, or stay in denial about my problem than it will not be a problem. I know, I know, that is such a sad and untrue thought process.

The hope I have is that in my heart, I am not wanting to give up. I can't give up. To do that would be giving into the flesh. I sometimes pray that I could just zap it away. But it doesn't work that way. Walking through the muck and mire is the path less traveled.

Not giving up, just a valley in my journey.

Lord, I would love to be where in a place where I can soar on those wing of eagles. Love V.

Something else....

Have you ever wanted something so badly that every thing you do to get that something seems like a snails crawl to get it?
I have been a complete failure with my diet. I haven't exercised, I feel very tired. I cry to heaven that He would take this burden away completely. But He answers No, you need to go through this not out and around it.

Not good news but great love. This is the only day I have and only today must I be successful. If I can get through today, then I have been victorious.


Here I go......