How I did today......

As my husband is out picking up some friends from the air force base, I sit here after a long day contemplating on what I did good to work toward my goal of health and losing weight. I thought and am still thinking, and, I have come to the conclusion that I didn't do anything. I woke up and fed the family, went about getting my grocery list together and a load of dishes. I picked up McD's (I know. I Know. One of the no-no's) for us, and unloaded the groceries. I put some pictures on a disk that were saved on my hubby's phone and made dinner. I wish I could say at this point I curled up, read a good book and drank 5 glasses of water. I didn't. I ate dip and chips, did dishes and here I am.

I don't feel guilty but I do feel numb. I do feel like I am never going to get it, alone in my struggle with only onlookers that love me watching on but ultimately can't do it for me.

I was talking to the Lord today and I was telling Him that I wanted to do so many things, and desire so much to do things without dread or procrastination due to lack of energy: to get on the exercise bike, to make better choices, to be able to do things with my kids, be more active and motivated. Why is it so hard? Why does it feel as if I will never get together? I know how alcoholics, drug-addicts and anyone with addictive behaviors feel. It's like a person separated from their mind and heart. Your mind and heart know the right things to do but your body gives it one heck of a battle, a strong and hard battle until the final moment where you say "alright, I'll have a small piece" or "I have been good today I can afford a little bit of chocolate". Though your heart and mind hang in for another days battle, it lingers in a bit of failure and disappointment. Then comes hope again, waiting on my heart for it's chance to shine. It is a gift of God to help me I know. Hope....a small word but strong. I will hang on to another day because of my hope. My hope in Jesus, my hope that with His help I can do anything especially the impossible. I pray that you will have hope also. Victory is assured. This won't be my struggle forever nor will whatever it is you might struggle with.